


Shards and dust

by WilwyWaylan



Series: Sparks to flames [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, Millie is totally an important character, TW : Blood, also idiot being idiots, and cute, but nothing major, cute idiots, tagged teen and up because of some blood, tw : self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 07:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilwyWaylan/pseuds/WilwyWaylan
Summary: It doesn't start like in a bad romance novel, with two persons crossing paths, knocking into each other, their eyes meeting, the world stopping spinning, and them knowing that they just found the piece that had been missing in the puzzle of their lives.It starts, not in a park or at the seaside, but in a psychiatrist office.





	Shards and dust

It doesn't start like in a bad romance novel, with two persons crossing paths, knocking into each other, their eyes meeting, the world stopping spinning, and them knowing that they just found the piece that had been missing in the puzzle of their lives.

It starts, not in a park or at the seaside, but in a psychiatrist office. Finn is going out, half-turned to say goodbye to Dr. Yoda. The other person must be in a rush, because they all but bolt to the door. And of course, they collide. Finn prides himself in being quite muscular and strong, but they knock him to the ground like he doesn't weight anything.

To be fair, the person is taller than him, even if it's probably partly due to the fact that he's currently sitting on the floor. But really, they're towering over him. Finn knows he should say something, agressive or not, he doesn't know, but something. But he can only stare. The man - because he's a man, somewhere in his twenties - stares back at him with very, very dark eyes. His hair is as dark, kinda long and kinda ruffled. He's not really handsome ; Finn knows handsome, you have to when you live with Poe, he knows that Poe is a gorgeous man even from an objective, not-in-love point. The man is... not really. Face too bony, nose too long, and a myriad of dark marks scattered on the pale skin. Finn stops for a moment on the mouth, the bitten, chappen lips. He then notices, a second late, that not only taller is the man taller than him, he's broader too. His shoulders are large, the muscles of his arms stretching the sleeves of his shirt in a very impressive way. He could probably knock Finn on the ground (again) without breaking a sweat.

They stare at each other like that for a minute, without a word. The man looks... Tense. He doesn't apologize, doesn't say anything. Just look at him, fists clenched. He's a bit scary like that, and Finn half-thinks that he's going to get punched on top of falling on his ass. But after a tense silence, the man finally storms into the office, leaving him to pick himself up. Finn gets up, dusts his jacket to give himself a contenance. The secretary is looking at him from his desk. Finn smiles at him, shrugs as if he gets knocked on his ass each day of the week. The man looks at the door, now closed, then at Finn.

\- I'm sorry, he says. Mr Organa can be a bit... cranky.

Finn smiles, because he knows people easily smile back when he does and are more at ease, so he does his best to dissipate the tension and doesn't remark that they aren't supposed to tell anyone other people's name. He arranges for his next appointment and leaves. But the name is stuck somewhere in his mind, along a broad silhouette and dark, dark eyes.

~*~

As soon as he's home, shoes lined at the door, a glass of coke on the table (on a coaster of course !), he flops on the couch and sends Poe a text.

"Hey Poe. Do you know someone called Organa ? Mr Organa ?"

While waiting for his friend to answer, he picks a book, thumbs through it without really paying attention. "Organa" is a name that rings a bell, of course. You can't be friend with Poe "Leia Organa is awesome and great and amazing and did I mention awesome ?" Dameron and not know. But Finn wouldn't have associated that name with someone like the man he just met, not in a million years. "Organa" is a name he associates with a small lady with a strong personnality and an even stronger charisma. Not a tall, strange, upset man.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he fishes it. BB-8's pic is flashing on the screen. He unlocks it with something that could be a hint of impatience.

"of course" Poe has written. "are you talking about han solo ? He sometimes goes by organa when he wants to get advantages or get away with something."

Finn knows Han Solo, he's seen him around once or twice, most of the time when Leia came to visit them. Distant guy, always dressed like he rolled out of bed, with a crooked smile, dragging around a weird, gigantic man with long hair and a beard he calls his "friend". Poe called Solo "very sexy for an old guy" and Finn did his best to erase every image this brought to his mind. The guy from the psy office definitly wasn't Han Solo.

"No, someone younger" he answers. "Like, my age, with dark hair."

Poe's answer comes immediatly.

"Omg did you see ben ?"

"Ben ? Who's Ben ?"

"Ben organa. Leia's son"

Oh. Finn should have thought of him. Contrary to the elusive Han Solo and his weird friend, he's never met Ben, but he's heard about him. Not much, Mrs Organa doesn't really talk about him. Just a few things here and there. Mostly that there was a big fallout with his family and he doesn't talk to them anymore.

The phone buzzes again with another of Poe's messages.

"Strange guy, really. Very closed off and distant. Threw a tantrum a few years ago, and slammed the door. He has lots of issues and is not easy to live with. At least that's what hux told me."  
"Hux ? He knows him ?" Finn immediatly fires back.

"Yeah. They're roommates."

Oh. Count on Destiny to make it so the man he meets totally accidently is the roommate of the man his roommate accidently met (and can't shut up about) recently. He's heard a few words about that roommate, mainly that his messy habits drive Hux up the wall, but that's all. So the messy roommate of his roommate's new friend is the one he met, and his roommate's hero-and-almost-mother's estranged son. Talk about coincidences.

His phone buzzes again.

"So you've met ben ?" Poe asks. "Where ?"

"At Dr Yoda's office" Finn types.

There's a longer silence now, and he thinks about getting up and do something. There's laundry waiting, the kitchen needs sweeping, and he should really re-read some of his lessons for tomorrow. But his phone stops him.

"so I guess he finally decided to get therapy. Sounds good"

Finn has a lot of questions, mainly around why is Poe saying those things, and why would Ben need therapy, and how does he know, and if, and what, and... And he doesn't even know why, because it's about a man he just crossed paths for a second. He shouldn't really boggle his mind so badly, he already has enough on his plate. But still...

He brings his glass back in the kitchen, washes it thoroughly. When he comes back, there's a last message waiting for him.

"If you want to talk to him, and i don't really know why but still, the only advice i have for you is to not call him ben. he hates it"

Finn nods, and classifies the information in a corner of his brain. Maybe he'll never see the man again. But if they somehow meet another time, at least he won't start on the wrong foot. At least not for this.

~*~

The next few appointments go without a hitch. But Finn doesn't see the man again. He's not disappointed, not really. When he came back, Poe told him a bit more about Ben, and it's.. not really endearing. The man seems to have a temper and not be very nice. Besides, Finn has already enough on his plate to deal with something like this. His sessions are full enough without him asking Dr Yoda about it. And Dr Yoda wouldn't tell him anyway because that wouldn't be ethical. Not that he would ask, anyway. But there's always a tiny part of his mind that can't totally let go. And sometimes, when he's waiting in the lobby, he can't help but vaguely think about him.

It's Tuesday again, and it's rainy. Finn doesn't like rainy Tuesdays. It's barely the beginning of the week, and it's sad and dark outside, and it makes it hard to consider the rest of the week. He's in the lobby, sitting on one of the hard chairs lined against the wall, looking outside instead of reading his magazine, and counting the drops on the glass. Dr Yoda is late again. He's at 205 raindrops - but to be honest, he lost count several times - when he hears the front door open.

The long black hair is hidden under a hood this time. It wasn't enough to protect it totally from the rain, and water is dripping from his locks. His hands are deep in the front pocket of his hoodie, which is as drenched as his hair, and his shoes are darker in places, probably soaking wet too. He walks to the front desk, and Finn can't help but notice that he stays a bit hunched even now that he's not under the rain anymore. He exchanges a few muttered words with the receptionnist - who's talking at normal levels - and goes to sit in one of the chairs on the other side of the room. He doesn't lift his head, doesn't glance at Finn like any other person in a waiting room would do, doesn't do anything except look at his old, dripping Converse.

Finn keeps glancing at him over his magazine. At first, he does his best to be discreet, but Organa keeps his eyes glued on his shoes as if they holded the secrets of the universe. He... doesn't really look like someone who would throw a huge tantrum like Poe told him. He doesn't really seem to have a bad temper or anything. He looks... pensive. Sad. Sure, it doesn't mean anything. After all, Poe looks like a heartrob, not a huge dork. But still. He doesn't look any more terrible that any grown teenager. Very grown, even, Finn can't help but notice the way his pants stop several inches above his shoes.

Finn doesn't know exactly what he expects. Does he want to catch the man's eye ? Does he want to be noticed ? To tell him what ? "Hey, my roommate is hooking up with your roommate and told me a bit about you, also he venerates your mom" ? That sounds stupid. Anyway, why would he want to talk to him ? He doesn't even know him. He doesn't even know what to tell him.

At last, Dr Yoda's open. Finn jumps on his feet and grabs his bag. Organa finally lifts his head, he can see him from the corner of his eye. He suddenly feels very self-conscious, and tries not to fiddle with the strap of his bag. Dr Yoda looks at him, then at Organa. He doesn't make any comment, and just gestures at Finn to come inside. Finn obeys. He sets his bag near the armchair, sits comfortably, and pushes all those thoughts of the strange boy at the back of his mind.

~*~

They see each other here and there during the next weeks. The next time, Finn is late, and almost runs into Organa, swerving at the last moment to go around him, and almost hits the wall. Organa just looks at him and goes his not-merry way. Then Organa comes in when Finn waits, and almost steps on his foot. This time, he glances at him, then promptly goes back to ignore him. Then, for three weeks, no trace of him. Finn is not disappointed, of course. But it was fun to watch for him around.

~*~

This evening promised to be dull, with a bit of reading to do, but Poe decided to visit his new boyfriend - even if he claims that Hux is absolutly not his boyfriend, Finn and Rey know better than to believe him. And of course, he decided to take his friends with them, arguing that they need to go out sometimes. Rey tried to argue that she probably goes outside more than both of them together, but it didn't help. Poe almost physically dragged them out the door and in his boyfriend's appartment.

As soon as they arrive, Poe all but pounces on Hux, who looks absolutly thrilled to have an overgrown puppy jump on him and crease his perfectly pressed shirt. For a second, Finn is sure that he's going to throw Poe on the ground and leave. Organa looks up from his phone for a second as if thinking the same, then go back to his screen. But no, even with his stern expression, Hux doesn't kill him on the spot. He grabs Poe's hand and drags him to the couch. Where Poe immediatly sits on his lap. Finn watches with amazement Hux not push him to the ground. The famous orange cat leaps from Organa's lap to Poe's, and they stay like this, cuddling like two obvious boyfriends and their cat.

Finn turns towards Rey to make a comment, snarky or not, but she's already busy talking with the third roommate, a very tall woman with short, blond hair and muscular arms. They are chatting animatedly, and five seconds later, the tall woman is dragging Rey towards the kitchen, probably to drink five gallons of coffee each and talk about lifting weights or something like that, judging by their gestures. Without a glance for poor Finn who stays stuck in the living room.

And that's how Finn finds himself sitting on the couch with Organa. Poe and Hux have disappeared Who knows where ten minutes ago and he doesn't want to think about what they are currently doing. Organa hasn't glanced up from his phone once, and seems very absorbed in something, and not at all in making their guest comfortable. Finn would kill for something to do, or at least do something he really, really doesn't like, like going grocery shopping on a busy Saturday. But he doesn't dare grabbing one of the books piled on the side table or ask Organa anything. So he just plays with the zipper of his jacket, and hopes Rey is soon done chatting with the blond woman and comes to rescue him. Judging from the voices coming from the kitchen, he's not going to be saved soon.

He's ready to pretend that he forgot to turn the oven or the shower off, whatever can get him away from that uncomfortable situation, when something jumps on the couch. Something orange that looks a lot like Hux's beloved cat. She climbs on the arm of the seat, then on the back, walks next to Organa's head and starts playing ith a strand of his hair, happily chewing on it. Finn expects him to push her down angrily, but he just streches to pat her without looking.

\- She seems to like you, Finn risks.

Organa startles, as if he has forgotten that he wasn't the only person in the room. Then again, he probably did. He looks at the cat, then at Finn. He doesn't look really annoyed, that's a relief. Finally, he nods with a grunt. He starts to turn back to his screen, but Finn quickly adds :

\- Poe didn't tell me your name.

Organa looks at him again. The silence stretches, uncomfortable. There's something weirdly intense in the way he watches him, in the way the dark eyes are set on him like they're trying to bore into his skull and unravel his most secret thoughts. Like his question is a trap and Organa is set on discover what it is, by force if needed.

Finally, when Finn is sure that he won't get an answer and Organa will keep ignoring him forever, the other man half-mutters :

\- Ren.

There's a tense pause, and Finn is ready to ask again because he's not sure he's heard right, but Organa adds :

\- Just Ren. Or... Kylo Ren" he says in the same tone. Flat, but... intrigued ? Curious ? Like he doesn't believe that Finn is really talking to him.

Ah. So Finn heard right the first time. Why did he choose a name so close that his given one (unless it's not his given name, because who would call their son "Ben" and nothing else ?), he doesn't know, and he doesn't ask, because he's sure Organa - Ren - will clam down. And it would be a shame, now that he managed to get something out of him. So he smiles, his most innocent smile, and says :

\- I'm Finn.

\- I know, Ren immediatly retorts. Dameron told me.

Finn wants to smile at the idea that the man noticed him enough to discuss him with Poe. But it was probably more like "My friend Finn is coming" and that's all. Still, it's a step. At least, the man is talking to him. Now, thow to keep the conversation going ? Finn doesn't really know. He can't think about anything to tell him, any interest they could have in common, even if he furiously reviews everything he likes or wants to talk about. Then again, Ren probably doesn't care about his conversation and just wants to kill time on his couch with his roommate's cat. Honestly, Finn can't really blame him. The man certainly not keen on untertaining someone he doesn't know and whose conversation is subpar at best ?

\- So... he tries, and stops.

Ren doesn't take up, just grabs his glass on the table and drinks. Finn gathers all his bravery and adds :

\- Poe told me you're Leia Organa's son ?

He hates how small and hesitant his voice sound. Count on it to always let him down when he's stressed. Ren's glare hardens, and he doesn't say anything. The tension becomes almost tangible. Finn would shut up, but already, his mouth is running again, and he can only pray that he doesn't say anything stupid.

\- I know her a bit, he hears himself say. Poe does, at least. He admires her a lot, he talks about her a lot, I think he kinda sees her as his mother figure since...

He's abruptly cut off by a clatter of breaking glass that makes Millie hiss and jump down. It takes him a second to realize that it's the one Ren was holding, now crushed in his hand. He vaguely thinks that it takes a scary amount of strength to do this. Then the full force of the scene hits him. Ren hasn't reacted, just looks at his hand now bleeding profusely.

Finn's instincts kick into action. He jumps on his feet, grabs Ren's arm and pulls him out of the couch, earning himself what could be a scandalized look, he doesn't really know. He half-expects the other man to resist, or push him away, but Ren gets up, slowly, or maybe he just lifts him with the aid of adrenaline. Finn drags him across the living-room, instinctively avoiding the kitchen from where the voices are still coming. Instead, he blindingly opens doors, praying not to barge in on Poe and Hux, until he finds the bathroom. He pulls Kylo inside, turns on the light over the sink.

The contrast is striking under the harsh, white-blue light. Ren's blood is red, trickling on his pale skin and on the blue tile under it. Finn's thumbs, holding the hand, are dark, and the blood staining them looks lighter. The light reflects on the edge of the glass, hard lines on the bigger pieces stabbing in the skin, light dusting on the tiny slivers, pools in the blood. It almost looks like Ren's hand is full of light.

\- It's nothing, Kylo says, startling himout of his observation.

He sounds... perplexed. Finn only realizes now that he led him in the bathroom without a word, and it must have looked quite weird to be dragged around by a total stranger.

\- It's not nothing ! he almost screams. It looks bad, look at all that blood !

Finn puts his hand above the sink and very gently, starts pulling the shards out, one by one. The cuts open slightly, and bleed more.

\- You're kinda lucky, he says while working, they're deep, but you won't need stitches. Still, you'd better keep an eye on them. If they don't close correctly, you'd ought to show them to a doctor...

He's babbling, he knows and he can't help it. He wants to reassure Ren, but he's so nervous himself, it probably doesn't work. His hands are shaking, and the other man probably feels it. He concentrates on his task, careful of getting everything out, trying to will himself calm. To add to his nervousness, there's still a feeling gnawing at his mind, that all this situation is entirely his fault. He wouldn't have talked about Mrs Organa and Poe had he known that Ren would break the glass, but hindsight is always 20/20. He's also a little bit curious about what could have caused this, but he doesn't dare asking why. Something tells him that he wouldn't get an answer, and it's not any of his business anyway. There is worse at hand, like fixing his mistake. Treating the wounds is a good fix.

Finally, all the pieces of glass are out. Finn puts Ren's hand under running water, carefully washing all the blood away. There are still droplets on the floor and his own fingers, and he knows he'll have to clean it later. But at least, Ren's hand is clean.

\- Do you have something to disinfect ? I don't know what you were drinking, but if it gets into the cuts... Well, better safe than sorry.

He looks up, tries a smile. Ren is looking at him, instead at his hand. There's something very intense in his expression, a concentration that makes Finn feel very self-conscious of his position, Ren's hand held in his smaller ones, the blood, and the fact that he dragged him in an unknown bathroom and is now treating his wounds while Ren didn't say more than ten words to him ever.

They stay like that for two very long seconds. Then Kylo breaks the spell. He reaches over them, grabs a bottle and hands it to Finn, who takes it. He has to let go of Ren's hand for this. The bottle is cold under his fingers, after the warmth of skin and blood.

Finn pours a bit of disinfectant on a piece of gauze, and starts gently dabbing at the wounds. It must hurt like hell, but Ren doesn't say anything, doesn't move. He just watches him intensly, and Finn is starting to feel nervous.

\- Also, for before... he says, I'm sorry. Had I known that it would upset you... I wouldn't... I didn't mean...  
He trails off again. There's an uncomfortable silence again, during which he put a clean piece of gauze on the wounds. He's starting to wrap a bandage around it, when Ren finally answers :

\- You couldn't know.

He lets it at that, but Finn nonetheless feels like a weight has been taken from his shoulders.

\- Don't forget to change the bandage every day, he instructs, and be careful.

Ren glances at hs hand, now wrapped in white, then at Finn.

\- Thank you, he mutters.

And with this, he's gone, leaving him alone in the bathroom. Finn throroughly wipes the blood on the floor, takes care of throwing everything on the trash, then follows him. A quick glance tells him that Rey and Phasma are still in the kitchen, now talking in hushed tones about the sky knows what. No trace of Hux and Poe. Kylo Ren is sitting on the couch, Millicent sprawled on his lap, purring all she knows. There are now two steaming mugs on the table. When Finn sits on the couch, Ren pushes one towards him without a word. Finn takes it with a smile, and enjoys the smell of chocolate. They don't talk, but the silence is not as uncomfortable as before. Now it's... pleasant.

They didn't meet as in a fairytale, and it certainly didn't unfold as one, but even with the blood, and some mistakes, Finn is now quite content with staying on the couch, watching Ren play with his phone and pet Millie, and enjoying a cup of hot cocoa he made for him. That's enough.


End file.
